The word I was going to write in the title was "fail". But, today as I sit down to write, I just can't write that word down.
This blog post has been bumping around my brain for about two weeks (an eternity), AKA since the last time I wrote a post (an eternity ago). It started out as a diatribe about how incapable I seem to be at sticking to a goal. Luckily, it sat and simmered and received some commentary from a few people I chatted with.
|Slight panic attack in a box. I guess that's what |
I get for working at an elementary school.
Instead of beating myself up, like I would normally do, I'm going to take a sec to list all the progress I HAVE made since ninety or so days ago...because life's not always about what's missing/lacking/needing improvement. Sometimes, it's about celebration, suckas!
- I did not eat a single solitary piece of candy during Halloween. This is huge, I was/am an addict. I didn't even smell anything. ;-)
- I pop out of bed each morning. Sometimes, I'm tired, but I don't need a substance to get me going. YAY!
- I have been more consistent with WODs (workouts at my gym) in the last three months than I have in the last year.
- I have gone out, danced, had dinner with friends, gone to BBQs, even gone on a date or two...all without alcohol. Even when it's hard in the moment, I'm proud and happy at the end of the night when I drive home sober and the next morning when I wake up clear-headed.
- My mouth feels so much fresher without the constant stream of bitter, black coffee running through it. So fresh and so clean, clean.
- I hope this makes sense...I feel more whole. I'm not wishing I could get some alcohol or caffeine in me at various social situations. I'm more comfortable in my skin, since I know I have no crutch to ease my dis-ease.
- I don't even walk down the ice cream aisle anymore.
- I am so much more in tune with my body and what it needs.
- I know if I don't sleep, I'm screwed. So...I sleep. It was never that simple before.
- I have spent three months clean of my greatest vices. Shoot, guys. It's kind of a big deal.
So, as the revisionist I claim to be...check it out:
Fail Year: A Confession Celebration"
|I-70 last Sunday|
As I was driving to hike in the beautiful Colorado mountains last Sunday, the weather started changing. I looked ahead and saw this view. I was struck how the view connected to this feeling of anticipation I've had in my gut recently...like how you just know there's something amazing up ahead, but you just can't quite make it out yet.
That's life for you. Just when you're feeling so rotten you're about to throw yourself into a compost, it'll turn around and dump flowers and cherry flavored gummy worms on you till you can't help but smile.
Great things are ahead. Don't beat yourself up about stupid stuff. You'll do better next time. In the meantime...
Celebrate! You are worth seeing all the good you are and do in the world.